Product Review: Dog Toy Edition

People say that when you have a child, all your priorities shift. 

“You won’t spend anything on yourself or your dogs ever again,” people said (and still say). 

Well, I recently spent $150 on dog toys and treats, so apparently I have different priorities. Tonya and Nancy (my dogs), deserve the best, even if I have a hairless baby now. 

This post won’t be as long as my normal, long-winded rambling posts, because I’m depressed for having to cut out dairy from my diet. I’m in mourning right now. Celebrate all you want, I’ll be back to my long-winded stories next time. I think a Mary Ellen and Serafina origin story will be in order. I guess I’ll also whip up some disgusting dairy free dish, seasoned with my tears. 

[*Note to my readers: all opinions in this post are 100% not my own. I was sponsored, and paid heavily for writing these reviews. If you click on a link, not only do I get $3000, but the dude from Incubus has to come to my house and perform, shirtless. I don’t even have dogs, the sponsors sent dog models to my house for this post. For a hefty price, I will have any opinion you want me to have. Actually, I’ll do it for $5. Send me $5.] 

Nancy loves puzzles. She’s a savant. Tonya is scared of puzzles.

Miracle Puzzle, Level 2

This one is also fun for us humans. You put treats in it and make it as easy or as hard as you want to. Nancy is too good at it now, so we are going to have to get a harder puzzle. We clean it in the dishwasher, although I don’t actually know if it’s dishwasher safe. Nancy now programs computers for a living.

Tonya is obsessed with food balls. She stole this from Nancy, who was supposed to be the model for this.

Omega Treat Ball 

This food ball releases food a little more slowly than most, and it’s harder to get it all out. That’s a good thing for Tonya because she’s a fatty who usually is done with food balls in 30 seconds. She actually works for it and rolls it around the house. It’s quiet too, so it doesn’t annoy the hell out of humans. 

Every day I’m snufflin’

Snuffle Mat
Now, for my personal favorite. I stumbled across this thing recently and I, and the dogs, are crazy for it. We mostly give it to Tonya because she won’t let Nancy have it, so we are going back to get another one for Nancy. We will actually give her dinner in it, because like I said, Tonya is a fatty and doesn’t chew her food. This slows her down and she becomes a relaxed, less bitchy asshole for the rest of the night. 
David Bowie,

Mary Ellen 


2 thoughts on “Product Review: Dog Toy Edition

  1. I’ve been looking for a way to stimulate my boyfriend’s natural foraging instincts. Do you recommend the snuffle mat for humans, or just dogs? Also, does it work with spaghetti or do you recommend switching to a dry human food?



  2. This is perfect for humans, especially ones that don’t have regular access to natural foraging. Dry human food is less messy, BUT the mat is machine washable, so you’re fine doing spaghetti. However, I would recommend meatballs in lieu of noodles.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s