Time Management

Hello again, beloved readers. I’m here to talk to you today about a topic which is important to everyone: time management. You may not know this yet, but in addition to writing an inspiring and profound post for you every other week, I also work part time and sort of go to grad school. So, I’m highly qualified to talk to you about how you’re managing your time wrong.

Tonight, I have a paper due at midnight. Tomorrow, I have a practical exam during which I will either pass or fail my class. Most people would be tempted to study, or write their paper, but that would be a fatal mistake. You see, it’s not procrastination if I don’t start writing my paper. If I put off writing it and then start it at the last minute, I would be the poster child for procrastination. But I’m not going to do that, because I have a plan. I’m not going to tell you what my plan is, because that would be basically spoon feeding you time management skills, and I’m not here to do that. It’s like that parable of the one guy feeding the hungry stupid guy a fish. I can’t just give you a time management fish, I must catch you, the time management fish, and then devour you while looking into your dead little fish eyes.

I took this picture while my man friend was trying to catch a fish awhile back. He didn’t catch anything because no one taught him about time management.

I’m sure you understand, just as I did when I learned that parable.

Anyway, after a long day of school, I like to come home and fix myself a proper dinner. Being short on time is no excuse to short your body the nutrients it deserves.

For this meal, I decided to provide myself with inspiration so I can focus on what matters in my life right now, which is planting a plum tree in my back yard this fall.

Using jam with the word “fancy” in it increases the quality of your dining experience. It’s been empirically proven.

Crackers with Almond Butter and Jam



Almond butter



Place crackers attractively on a plate

Using a plastic spoon (or regular spoon if unlike me you have available clean silverware in your home) drop a dollop of almond butter on each cracker. Then drop a dollop of jam next to the almond butter, but still on the cracker (it’s important to ensure BOTH ingredients are on the cracker).

See how attractively arranged the crackers are? It’s ok if yours don’t look as nice.

Place cracker in mouth and then eat.

If your mouth gets dry or the almond butter sticks to the roof of your mouth, you should try drinking a beverage. I went with beer, which worked well.




6 thoughts on “Time Management

  1. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t concentrate on the rest of the blog after I saw Triscuit had an organic version of crackers. Disappointed in how pretentious Triscuit is getting. But I suppose you can’t put fancy jam on regular Triscuits.

    -Mary Ellen


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