Today I want to emotionally open up to all of our millions of readers. Sometimes it’s hard to bear your soul to those closest to you, which is why I only share my private thoughts on Twitter, as well as subtweet all of my dirty laundry with every relationship in my life, real and fictional.
Lately I’ve been having an existential crisis. It’s basically consumed me, to the point I hardly even drink anymore (don’t worry, I’m drinking now, like I do when I write all my posts). At least half of it is Serafina’s fault, because she puts together extremely elaborate lasagnas AND EVEN BOILS THE NOODLES??!! and she even has a boyfriend. She has basically kept this blog alive single-handedly and pays both of our bills, as well as this guy we met online three years ago named Ayden. Also, I know for a fact she has six pack abs and reads to blind parrots in her spare time. Her personal Instagram has been featured in 70 different lifestyle magazines, 37 made the cover. Like, how does one even fucking keep up with that shit? What do I have to show for myself? I still listen to CDs on a Sony Walkman.
Have I already peaked? Have all my culinary masterpieces already been made? Is this all there is? I don’t even get a gold watch?
Oh wait. *record screeches to a halt*
Now… before I share this recipe with you, I just want you all to know how much you mean to me. I mean, I’m sharing LITERAL SECRET RECIPES. I was planning on only passing these down to my daughter, but then I had a son, because it’s what my husband wanted. We stay in our gender lanes in this family.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all political and shit. That’s not what this is about. This is about:
What to eat for lunch when you forgot to eat lunch but now you’re hangry and you have like 3 minutes to make something you can eat while following your child around and throw play doh balls all over the place.
I call it: Buttercup burritos.
You take a whole wheat tortilla, because remember, we want to nourish our bodies in addition to our minds, and you lightly warm it. Spread your nut butter of choice on it. Mine is almond. Sprinkle with a modest amount of chocolate chips. I used an allergy friendly one, not because I have allergies, but because I’m better than most people.
Roll your burrito.
Roll your play doh.
Eat and try not to choke on it while running around.
If I were to make this again, I would add melted butter and omit the almond butter and the chocolate chips.
“Buttercups are actually quite filling.” – The Foundations