Welp, the new year is barreling towards us like a freight train. NYE is my favorite holiday because it’s full of hope, it’s depressing, and I get drunk and dance in my underwear.
People keep telling me that 2018 was a LONG year, and while I normally never make it a habit to agree with any humans ever, I couldn’t agree more with this statement. This year was my year of flops and failures (shit, I should have made that the subheading for this post; too bad I don’t know how to edit). I’m not looking for fake sympathy though. There’s no need to make me feel better about my failures. People are so scared of failure. Seriously, when you fail as much as I do, and are rejected as much as I am, you have no
self worth fear. Because of the failures I accomplished this year, I tested out the waters to see where I should swim to avoid drowning for more important missions. That’s what I’m telling myself, at least, so I can continue to jump into shark infested oceans.
Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll fail again, as this really ridiculous post is aggressively promising. But hopefully I will succeed at least three times.
I’ve already set my “goals” for 2019 and most of them are nonsensical and probably impossible, but I’m half insane so I’ll never know.
As I type this, my husband has taken over parenting duties so I can finish last minute projects and, as expected, there are dirty dishes and toys everywhere but there’s also a dirty diaper on the counter and so I’m just not going to walk around the house anymore. The mood for 2019 is already being set.
I DO have a rebuttal to Serafina’s blasphemous post about cheesecake last week, but it’ll have to wait for the new year. What I DO have is a list of our most *POPULAR 💅💅💅* posts from 2018. Here’s our top six and my shit commentary:
This surprises me because wtf is jackfruit? I don’t know what it is, therefore I fear it. The pictures in the post show a can full of “young” jackfruit. This is proof that Jackalopes exist and we eat them.
Has anyone actually checked her credentials? How can a master gardener let squirrels destroy a sunflower? Where is her greenhouse?
This is one of several recipes this year from Serafina that she used to torture her boyfriend. It’s a good read. Recipe is probably fine too.
SEE YOU DON’T ADD THE VEGETABLES TO THE CHEESE. This is one of my many posts on my obsession with Trader Joe’s.
I’m so happy this was more popular than the original recipe. Fucking millennials love their deconstruction and living wages.
And here was the number one post from this year. If your life is shit I hope you still have great skin.
There you have it. This is what we have to show for 2018. How will we ever be able to top this?
“See you next year!” – every fucking dad on the planet