Oh, hey there friends. Did we go like 2 or 3 weeks without a post? Listen, I’d love to come to you all and blame the economy and the border wall, but Mary Ellen and I made a commitment to our readers, so you’re going to get the truth. When you run a small internet blog company, you don’t always invest in the essentials right off the bat, so 1.5 years in and Mary Ellen and I have been sending our vacation requests to HRbot@mailerdaemon.eggplantandpie.com. Somehow we both thought the other was monitoring the inbox, and, well, in addition to booking the same time off, we ended up on a 2-week vacation at the same international swingers’ resort! Imagine our surprise when my boyfriend and Mary Ellen’s new husband realized they knew each other 10 hours into the Wednesday Men’s Tantric Seminar. Anyway, Mary Ellen and I are spinning from our whirlwind vacations, but between heavy doses of antibiotics and some prescription strength ointment, we’re back and ready to continue bringing all of you the high-quality posts you’ve come to expect.
Whether you’re recovering from mild nipple burns and gimp suit related chafing or working on getting your gag reflex back, it’s important to be kind to your body. You need to eat wholesome, real food and drink either acidic or alkaline water (I can’t remember which one was better, but I read an article about how the neutral pH of water is toxic and should be avoided at all costs).
I’ll walk you through my process of meeting the specialized nutritional needs of the post-vacation body.
- Find an ethnic food that is either different, or the same as the area you just came from
- Ask Siri or Google what restaurants are near you.
- Log into Uber Eats or another food delivery app because you were out of your house for so long it would be impossible to leave again today.
- Order all the food, focusing on the food pyramid which was switched to a plate. I wanted to include the food plate pyramid thing, but I didn’t feel like googling it. So instead I recreated it with my award winning illustration skills. It’s probably more scientifically accurate and artistically nuanced than the one published by the USDA.
- Eat food, in your pajamas while watching Netflix
Just five easy steps to the perfect post-vacation meal!