Hello, Eggplanters! I’m sure you missed me, Mary Ellen. Unless you’ve never noticed that there are multiple writers for this blog, in which case, fuck you, because one of us clearly pulls most of the weight (it’s not me).
So, I went on vacation, but then contracted scabies on the pirate ship I commissioned to get me to my honeymoon destination. It’s been a long month and I’m already always drunk so nothing can save me at this point.
In addition to being ill, I really haven’t left my house in a very long time. I considered opening a tab and having a standing order at Pizza Hut to get me through the dark times. This has lead to a shortage of food at my home. I have no food. Send food. Can you Venmo me some food? Is that what Venmo is? Someone help.
Anyway, I was hungry at an acceptable breakfast hour, and luckily I had some steel cut oats. Everything you see in the following pictures is all I have at my house, plus coffee, and two cans of not La Croix.
Let’s make some oatmeal!
- Nut Butter
You might have to google how to make oats or reference a book. Go to the library and ask a librarian over for breakfast and maybe he or she can make you a better breakfast. Anyway, I buy oats in the bulk section with my reusable hippie bags and I think for steel cut oats it’s a 1:4 ratio of oats and water. Don’t correct me if I’m wrong because I’m already stuck in my ways. Add salt to your bath water. Er, I mean, oat water.
When the oats are done, add the other ingredients to your taste. It’s fine, it’s a passable breakfast, and you are still better than all of us that succumbed to the bagel shop down the road. Good job. But you don’t have to be a smug asshole about it.
I promise to deliver more quality content such as this next week (Serafina is taking a long bath next week and is busy).