Vegan Muffins

Well hey there Eggpiers. Long time no see. Well, I guess we never really see you, but it’s been a long time since you’ve seen us. And the reason is… we’re taking a summer break. Not because we have summers off like teachers or Halloween store employees, but because we’re planning on jointly summering in Monaco, and while there is internet access, we won’t be using it. Assuming we don’t forget which casino we lost our passports at (again), we’ll be back with bells on in the fall to finally fulfill our promise of writing the world’s 200,000,000th pumpkin bread recipe. #doinggodswork

Until then, I’ll regale you with this fine whole wheat vegan muffin with mixed berries. It’s a delightful recipe my aunt found on pintrest. Personally, I’ve never been able to navigate pintrest since it seems to be nearly impossible to click on any actual content, but I managed to hand write the recipe from her phone and then proceeded to ignore all of the instructions. Unlike Pintrest I’ll actually tell you how to make this recipe instead of just spamming you with photos. I mean, I’m still spamming people with photos, but that’s on Instagram. It’s way less equally bad.

Look at all those chia seeds waiting to turn your insides into a chia pet

Vegan Berry Muffins, recipe adapted from this blog which hasn’t been updated since 2012 (when did my aunt find this on Pintrest? Was Pintrest even around then?) The original recipe used cp. as an abbreviation for cup, which is the same amount of characters. That doesn’t impact the recipe, but I couldn’t get past it.


1 1/3 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup chia seeds or ground flax seeds
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup olive oil
2/3 cup almond milk or whatever milk you want to use
3/4 cup mixed berries

The raspberries were about 12 hours away from being moldy which is why you should never trust yourself to buy anything in advance


Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Wet ingredients in a medium bowl. Mix them together and then fold in berries. Don’t over mix because vegan baked goods feel sad when you mix them too much. Divide between 12 muffin cups and sprinkle with a little bit of sugar. Bake in a 375° oven for about 30 minutes until a toothpick or skewer comes out clean.

Mary Ellen and I expect all of you to make these muffins daily until we get back.

XOXO, Serafina

Vegan Breakfast Burrito for the Lazy Girl in You

Dear Eggplanters, my blog partner and I have no concept of time anymore, and realized that we were working off calendars from different years (1976 and 1982, respectively). So now that we’ve synced to 1824, we shouldn’t have as many embarrassing scheduling fiascos.

I would also like to address some concerns fans have written about in regards to my latest recipes. I’ve gotten hundreds of emails more or less asking the question, “Mary Ellen, did you become a vegan?”

I toiled away at that question for weeks, and wasn’t quite sure how to answer it. Veganism is a highly personal spiritual awakening. I thoroughly enjoy jumping on, into, and underneath bandwagons. I also love handing out pamphlets, and I just assumed this was part of the diet.

So did I become vegan?

Sadly, despite the pamphlet aspect, I am not a vegan. However, I’ve been posting mostly vegan recipes because my diet lately is heavily leaning vegan due to a bunch of foods causing me distress. I’m basically a home vegan that sometimes goes buck wild when released into the world. So far, this mental and physical compromise is working and my health should be good enough soon to get back on my regular drinking schedule.

Okay, so burritos.

I am really obsessed with breakfast burritos but I live in an area where they are kind of hard to find, and when you do find them, they suck and most definitely don’t have potatoes in them. What is wrong with people? What’s with the potato misers? Anyway, I set out to make a really simple, potato-heavy, food-truck-tasting, breakfast burrito.

I plan on revisiting this recipe a lot and trying out sauces (mostly spicy) and even a vegan nacho cheese to change up the flavor, but this recipe is great if you want something simple and you’re a spice wimp. This recipe also works well if you just don’t want to go shopping for a ton of shit because it uses a lot of pantry staples.

Vegan Breakfast Burrito

– 2 lbs potatoes (I used fingerling because I’m fancy and also I hate when things are chopped evenly)
– 1 block of tempeh, chopped
– 1 tsp garlic powder (plus more to sprinkle on potatoes)
– 1/4 tsp salt (plus more for potatoes)
– 1/4 tsp onion powder (plus more for potatoes)
– Ground pepper
– Smoked paprika
– Vegan butter
– Olive oil
– Tortillas
– Hummus (you could also make a sriracha ranch and that would be bomb)
– Vegan parmesan (optional)
– Spinach and arugula (or lettuce, I guess)


Heat a large skillet with the vegan butter and add the potatoes and season them well with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder, and the paprika. Sauté the potatoes until they are browned. I covered my pan with foil to get them done faster.

I always think the tiny potatoes are easier to prep, so this is what my brain will convince me of in the future despite any other evidence.

In a medium bowl, coat the tempeh with about 1/2 tsp of oil and then toss them in the measured out garlic, onion, salt and pepper ingredients. Heat another skillet with oil or butter (or use the potato one when the potatoes are done) and sear the tempeh until it’s brown and crispy on both sides (don’t cover).

Tempeh is a dry bitch and really should be marinated.

Prepare the burrito: smear some hummus, add the greens, and then portion out whatever you want of the potatoes and tempeh and wrap that burrito.

This is too much. I could not fold the burrito properly.

I hope you all will enjoy your burritos, because I know I did. And I hope you all will forgive me for not becoming a vegan (or basically being a vegan, just take your pick).

Cropped out my failures.

Your local cow is someone’s daughter,

-Mary Ellen