Vegan Breakfast Burrito for the Lazy Girl in You

Dear Eggplanters, my blog partner and I have no concept of time anymore, and realized that we were working off calendars from different years (1976 and 1982, respectively). So now that we’ve synced to 1824, we shouldn’t have as many embarrassing scheduling fiascos.

I would also like to address some concerns fans have written about in regards to my latest recipes. I’ve gotten hundreds of emails more or less asking the question, “Mary Ellen, did you become a vegan?”

I toiled away at that question for weeks, and wasn’t quite sure how to answer it. Veganism is a highly personal spiritual awakening. I thoroughly enjoy jumping on, into, and underneath bandwagons. I also love handing out pamphlets, and I just assumed this was part of the diet.

So did I become vegan?

Sadly, despite the pamphlet aspect, I am not a vegan. However, I’ve been posting mostly vegan recipes because my diet lately is heavily leaning vegan due to a bunch of foods causing me distress. I’m basically a home vegan that sometimes goes buck wild when released into the world. So far, this mental and physical compromise is working and my health should be good enough soon to get back on my regular drinking schedule.

Okay, so burritos.

I am really obsessed with breakfast burritos but I live in an area where they are kind of hard to find, and when you do find them, they suck and most definitely don’t have potatoes in them. What is wrong with people? What’s with the potato misers? Anyway, I set out to make a really simple, potato-heavy, food-truck-tasting, breakfast burrito.

I plan on revisiting this recipe a lot and trying out sauces (mostly spicy) and even a vegan nacho cheese to change up the flavor, but this recipe is great if you want something simple and you’re a spice wimp. This recipe also works well if you just don’t want to go shopping for a ton of shit because it uses a lot of pantry staples.

Vegan Breakfast Burrito

Ingredients:
– 2 lbs potatoes (I used fingerling because I’m fancy and also I hate when things are chopped evenly)
– 1 block of tempeh, chopped
– 1 tsp garlic powder (plus more to sprinkle on potatoes)
– 1/4 tsp salt (plus more for potatoes)
– 1/4 tsp onion powder (plus more for potatoes)
– Ground pepper
– Smoked paprika
– Vegan butter
– Olive oil
– Tortillas
– Hummus (you could also make a sriracha ranch and that would be bomb)
– Vegan parmesan (optional)
– Spinach and arugula (or lettuce, I guess)

Directions:

Heat a large skillet with the vegan butter and add the potatoes and season them well with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder, and the paprika. Sauté the potatoes until they are browned. I covered my pan with foil to get them done faster.

I always think the tiny potatoes are easier to prep, so this is what my brain will convince me of in the future despite any other evidence.

In a medium bowl, coat the tempeh with about 1/2 tsp of oil and then toss them in the measured out garlic, onion, salt and pepper ingredients. Heat another skillet with oil or butter (or use the potato one when the potatoes are done) and sear the tempeh until it’s brown and crispy on both sides (don’t cover).

Tempeh is a dry bitch and really should be marinated.

Prepare the burrito: smear some hummus, add the greens, and then portion out whatever you want of the potatoes and tempeh and wrap that burrito.

This is too much. I could not fold the burrito properly.

I hope you all will enjoy your burritos, because I know I did. And I hope you all will forgive me for not becoming a vegan (or basically being a vegan, just take your pick).

Cropped out my failures.

Your local cow is someone’s daughter,

-Mary Ellen

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Have a Great ValenTIME with These Valentime’s Day Waffles

Ah, Valentime’s Day. It’s the time in which we celebrate the birth of one of the greatest lovers of all time, Saint Valen. Side note: his name is where we get the word “valor” so this just goes to show how important this day really is. (Source: Your Mom)

Anyway, Eggplanters, you know I live a very private life. I only share the intimate details of my life with my cam subscribers, so revealing this all to you is very hard for me.

Annie is gone.

I lost Annie some time ago (not really sure when because I just realized he was gone like a month ago) in the basement. I didn’t really want to go looking for him, because I was worried I’d encounter spiders. Dead or alive, spiders scare me.

So I remarried, and his name is Greg O. Gregerson.

He’s important so he’s on his phone a lot.

I know what you’re thinking and YES I totally think he’s the spitting image of sexiest man alive, Paul Giamatti.

Anyway, for our first VDay together, I made the most romantic food you can make anyone: waffles. I know you all probably need a good waffle in your life after Serafina misappropriated meat culture last week.

This recipe used a base outline from Joy the Baker’s Blueberry Sour Cream Waffles in her brunch book (Eggs Over Easy) which you can buy here. But I made them healthier, and then I made them way less healthy than the original recipe.

Ingredients:
– 1 1/2 cups white whole wheat flour
– 2 tsp baking powder
– 1/2 tsp baking soda
– 1/2 tsp salt
– 3 Tbsp granulated sugar
– 1/3 cup butter, melted, then cooled to room temp
– 2 large eggs
– 2 tsp vanilla extract
– 1 cup plain Greek yogurt
– 1/4 milk (I used almond but you can use anything
– 1 cup white chocolate morsels
– 1 cup strawberry chia seed jam (I used the recipe from Oh She Glows, but used vanilla extract powder) – make sure it’s cold or at room temp or you’ll cook the eggs
– Chocolate ganache, whipped cream, jam, whatever, for serving.

Make your own fucking jam, it’s the bomb, takes 15 mins, and it tastes way better than anything in your fridge, I promise.

Directions:

  1. Whisk all the dry ingredients together in a large bowl.
  2. Whisk the wet ingredients together in a separate bowl.
  3. Combine the forces of wet and dry, but don’t over mix or you’ll create a wormhole.
  4. Fold in the white chocolate chips, and then swirl in the cooled jam.
I made vegan ganache with dairy free chocolate chips and coconut cream and it was amazing.

5. Turn on your waffle maker and let the batter rest while you’re waiting for it to heat. Also, follow your waffle maker’s instructions on whether to spray or not to spray.

The batter should be thick and smell like a strawberry shortcake doll.

6. Drop in 1/4 cup amounts into the maker and wait for the magic to happen.

I used a plate with a flower because I thought it would be more festive.

So there you have it. Eat all the carbs this VDay. Also, check out our mukbang videos over on our Instagram page.

Only fools rush into eating waffles without whipped cream.

-Mary Ellen


Vegan Pancakes and Hash for Your Soul

Yes I know.  I’ve been cooking.  Honestly, a person can only get so much therapeutic benefits from an Irish health smoothie before they have to clean up their life.  That person might be me.

 

This week’s recipe is one that even Serafina’s vegetarian ass can get behind.  It’s healthy, wholesome (unlike your mom), meat and dairy free, and also guilt free, so you can shove all these things in everyone’s faces at the next family get together.  There’s no reason Easter also can’t be a holiday that families fight about food ethics.  We can do better.  Insert your jabs about Trump’s policies on deporting all vegetables from his plate, or how Bernie wouldn’t be such a commie if he’s stop enslaving cows.  There you go, I provided topics for next year to get past all that awkward “weather” talk.

 

I was inspired to create these recipes to try and get my toddler to eat something with nutritional value.  It didn’t work on him, but it did work on my husband so it’s a soft win.  This also satisfies both team sweet and savory at the breakfast table.

 

For the Hash:

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I am slow to prep veggies, so I put it all in together, and no one died because I didn’t cook down the onions first.  

Ingredients:

  • 1-2 lbs yellow potatoes, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
  • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 sweet onion, diced
  • 1 TBSP olive oil
  • 1/2 cup nutritional yeast
  • 1 TBSP fresh dill
  • Herbamare to taste

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Oh wait, no I died a little inside but there’s no evidence it was because of the onions.

Directions:

Heat olive oil on medium heat.  Add the potatoes, pepper, garlic, and onion to the pan and sauté until the potatoes are fork tender.  Mash up the chickpeas and add to the pan, as well as the nutritional yeast and dill, and cook until the chickpeas are heated.  Season to taste.  Burn a little bit to the pan.

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Serve with salsa or hot sauce or whatever.  I chose salsa.  I guess I should have included it in the ingredients list.  Too late now.

 

For the Pancakes:

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OMG it seriously is hard to take these dripping batter pictures.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup raw buckwheat groats, ground to a powder
  • 1/2 cup whole wheat flour (I used King Arthur)
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 3/4 – 2 cups unsweetened almond milk
  • 2 tsp vanilla
  • 2 TBSP maple syrup

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It surprisingly fluffs up, despite the lack of eggs.

Directions:

Whisk the dry ingredients together in a big bowl.  Add the wet ingredients and whisk until smooth.  You don’t need to whisk wet separately, and you need the batter smooth, no clumps.  Let it rest for a few minutes before you griddle it up.

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This was my personal plate.

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Tried to take another drizzle pic, failed even harder.  This is homemade cashew cream to keep with the vegan theme.

I don’t know how to end this post, but I want to go eat pudding now, so I’ll just do it awkwardly.

 

Mary Ellen