They See Me Rolling Rice Balls, They Hatin’

There are two things that I love doing more than anything else.  One is stalking random people that I don’t know on social media for hours on end, reading comments on all their posts, and printing out pictures of their pets.  The other is trying to recreate food I see in cartoons if the cartoon characters get really excited about the food.

 

I was going to post a lentil recipe this week, but if you haven’t noticed, Serafina literally has taken all the lentils.  There are no more lentils left.  And now she thinks jackalopes are fruit, instead of the very real death guardian rabbits.  I think her mind is going.  Sad!

 

So, instead, I’m making rice balls.  They made them in an anime I was watching called Maid Sama and even though the main character apparently made them incorrectly, and with tissue paper as an additive, I decided I was capable of trying it, albeit with the Kleenex granules.

 

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This is a pretty accurate representation of how I looked while making these.

 

I’ve done approximately no research into what these are, and I’ve never had them before, but I trust cartoons more than the Food Network so I’m an expert now.  Also, I’ve been eating these non-stop for days.  I love them and they are my baes now.

 

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This is all I had to go on besides the visual aspect.  Salty and not crunchy.  Got it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients:

  • Sushi rice
  • Roasted seaweed (I personally prefer Korean seasoned roasted seaweed)
  • Salt
  • Canned tuna
  • Mayo

 

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This seaweed is amazeballs and cheaper than the stuff at Whole Foods, which is good because I’ve been just crunching on giant sheets of it.

 

Directions:

Cook up the rice, and cut the seaweed into strips.  Drain the tuna, and mix in a glop (distinct measurement) of mayo.

 

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Visual of a glop and sea chicken.

I wish I could give more more direction after all this, but… you know, I just made it up along the way.  First I set out my rice ball amounts and then I salted each side.

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They were all different sizes and I also almost knocked them into the sink.

While the rice was still hot, I molded it into balls and burned myself.  Still working the hot rice, I also tried to make a triangle shape.  Then I forgot these should be stuffed so I dug into the rice balls and shoved some tuna and mayo mixture in it.  Pretend this is on purpose, and mold the ball back and put a strip of seaweed around the bottom.

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Maybe cut the strip a little straighter than I did.  No one cares though because I ate this one immediately after snapping this.

And there you go.  Rice balls.  I’m going to make some more right now.  I bet you’re sad I didn’t make chicken this week.

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Don’t worry I still had chicken.

 

A rolling rice ball doesn’t gather moss,

 

Mary Ellen

 

 

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A Tale of Two Chickens

I forgot to post last week. I have no excuse, because I did the recipes and had all the pictures and most of it written and I just forgot. I’m not sorry. I’ve mostly been busy playing Skyrim so I have a very good excuse.

I went insane at Costco recently and bought a ton of chicken. All sorts of chicken. And then I also decided to get some whole chickens and be like, super amazing with my cooking. But then I just made porridge.

If you’re unaware, you can buy a PACK of two whole organic chickens at Costco. For the people who are on a budget, and love eating chicken all the time, buying it Whole is way more cost effective. Worried it’ll take more time to prepare? Worried that it’s scary? Worried you’ll fuck it all up and you should have just gone with your usual dry-ass chicken breast recipe that you’ve convinced yourself is good enough? Well, unfortunately, your first two worries are probably correct but the last one is not.

Follow me while I take you on a chicken journey.

It all started when I decided I wanted to make dakjuk. I was about to just do a recipe that used all my regular techniques of cutting corners and using store bought, pre-prepped stuff, but then I found this lady. She mentions, subtly, two ways she makes her porridge and I was so intrigued by the prospect of boiling a whole chicken because it sounded so gross I needed to try it.

Oh Costco. I love you so much.

So, a different lady’s blog that I browsed while trying to figure out what boiling chickens was like was a bit of a mental case about it. She acted like it was the most disgusting thing in the world and that she really only does it to save money, etc etc and prayed to Jesus the whole time because it was so hard for her. And I really wanted to hold her close and whisper, “honey, Jesus doesn’t want you to suffer so in His name. Just use gloves, bitch.”

It looks really horrendous because I’m very bad at carefully removing things from pots.

See it’s not so bad.

Anyway, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, I was expecting a lot of bad after reading her post, but it was pleasantly easy and not bad at all. Also, you don’t need a recipe. Throw the chicken in a big pot and boil it with some veggies for an hour. Remove the chicken, debone it, add bones and more water to the pot, and boil for another hour. Strain and you have your stock. It’s easy as shit.

It makes a lot of stock.

So, boiled chicken (when you do it with veggies on the bone with skin) is actually really good. I used this recipe for dakjuk and holy crap it was amazing. Seriously, it will forever replace chicken noodle soup as my sickly comfort food, and it is a nice dish to have to rest my body after a weekend of donut binging. Make like three times more than what the recipe calls for because it won’t be enough.

So what did I do with the other chicken? I roasted it. I’ve never roasted a whole chicken before either, and everyone has a really fancy recipe that makes it intimidating. Through the Korean Bapsang blog I found this recipe.

However, I like to be thorough, so I trussed the chicken like this. It actually did produce a better roast, though I don’t have much to compare it to, except turkey at Thanksgiving, which always cooks unevenly I feel like. Anyway, we ate some of this for dinner one night and then the rest got chopped up and mixed with the leftover boiled chicken and I made the most amazing chicken salad sandwich that I’ve ever had in my entire life. Mmmm chicken chicken chicken.

So there you go. That’s what I’ve been doing lately. Sacrificing chickens left and right while also leveling up as a khajiit in Skyrim is how I’m fulfilling my New Years’ resolutions. I’m sure Serafina is crying and totally traumatized at this point, trying to comfort her chickens because she reads this blog out loud to them and I must admit it was a bit of a hostile post. Don’t worry I’ll post about something less chickeny next time.

No lollygaggin’,

Mary Ellen

Easy Weeknight Lunch and Dinner: Chicken Edition 

So, I wrote an amazing post about Mardi Gras and I was going to bake a king cake and everything was going to be unicorns flying and purple sprinkles everywhere.

But then, the baby decided he hated sleeping, and possibly me.

 

I still wanted a cake so I bought one at Whole Foods. It includes beads, so, have fun, kids!

I only got around 12 hours of sleep total last week. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. This isn’t even satire right here. Just me, Mary Ellen, or whatever the hell my name is because I can’t brain things anymore, just pleading with you to understand as I work through this trying time. Thankfully coffee is a thing that exists, and I love it, because otherwise I don’t know how I would have survived. Even the dogs are strung out, and I’m hearing whispers in the shadows that they might be planning to overthrow the baby. It’s a tense time in the house right now, so I unfortunately don’t have time to track down a plastic baby, or bake a beautiful yeast-based cake. My time is dedicated to streamlining as much as I can, and bribing the dogs.

A few things did happen that were important last week. First, I hired a maid to do light cleaning once a week. Serafina has a maid, so I was jealous and got one too. My house is clean. I’ve finally made it to the point in my life where I can hire help. Oh, the American dream. Secondly, I discovered curbside grocery service. I ordered all my groceries online through my store of choice, selected a pickup date and time, and then picked it up. Normally, grocery shopping takes forever with a baby, but this took 15 mins. I know now heaven exists, and its online shopping.

This week, we’re doing salads for lunches. Ew, salads! That’s what I would normally exclaim. But as you get older, and the years of drinking, and binging on powdered donuts and fried cheese start to take its toll on your body. Also, having a baby makes your body weird. My skin is truly terrible. I think a demon is possessing me and drying me out from the inside. I smell weird most of the time too. I’m extra lumpy in weird places, and what in the actual fuck is up with my facial hair? Am I turning into Hagrid? Also, nursing is giving me monster-like hunger and thirst. I really do feel like I’m turning into something you might see on Supernatural.

 

First you eat everything in site, then you start turning on the humans. This is a picture of me from last night. They based the metamorphosis monster on me. True story. Don’t do the math.

This also means that when I eat too much crap, I can feel myself dying, and my body screaming out to me, “please, just one leaf of lettuce, please!” I tried telling my body to shut the hell up, take the donut and stop complaining, but then it gave me sad, puppy dog eyes, and really bad heartburn.

 

See? Almost looks like I’m a capable adult. Almost.

So for dinner, we’re picking up a rotisserie chicken from Whole Foods (you don’t have to be a pretentious asshole like I am, you can get a chicken at most grocery stores, or make your own if you’re one of those homesteaders) and then cooking some vegetables to go along with it. It’s easy, because I have appointments in the afternoon, and we can still eat at a decent time, since the prospect of cooking scares the shit out of Annie.

 

It looks good now, but it gets ugly soon.

After dinner, I’ll go to town on the chicken, ripping it apart (Serafina, avert your eyes and your pet chickens’ eyes) and use the leftover meat for a chickpea salad recipe/other stuff. It’s hard to believe I used to be a vegetarian. Don’t worry, I cried while eating the chicken, and while re-purposing it.

 

Yeah, sorry. Forgot to take the artsy pic while it was on the chopping block. RIP, chicken.

When that’s done, the carcass gets bagged to go into a pot to make stock later this week, along with some other bones from a different dinner recipe. Yay for not being wasteful and being budget friendly, right?

 

Chicken and chickpea chopped salad (adapted from Ambitious Kitchen)

Ingredients:

Two hearts romaine lettuce, chopped and washed

1 can chickpeas/garbanzos, drained and rinsed

About 1 cup leftover chicken, chopped

1 cup grape tomatoes

1 cup corn (I used canned, drained and rinsed)

1/4 cup crumbled goat cheese

BBQ dressing, to taste

Salt and pepper, to taste

*Note: I didn’t use avocado from the original recipe because I made them ahead for lunches, and I didn’t use cilantro because I don’t like cilantro. I prefer arugula.

Directions:

Combine all ingredients, except the dressing, in a large bowl and toss. I separated into 4 Tupperware containers for lunches, but you can also serve immediately. Add dressing before serving. I imagine this salad would go great with Greek yogurt and hot sauce instead of BBQ dressing, as well as avocado.

Serve with: Sauvignon blanc or Chardonnay.

Milli Vanilli,

Mary Ellen