Mini Pumpkin Pies

Oh, hey there blog friends. I’m back and functional again after my three-week caffeine bender. It turned out all of those songs I recorded sounded like a better version of Bjork, but the record companies weren’t interested for some reason. Anyway, I backed off my caffeine intake to “moderate” and am here blogging for you again. And it’s just in time for one of the great November holidays, Thanksgiving. If my recollection of history is correct, Thanksgiving was founded by desperate bloggers, fleeing the UK in search of a land where they could freely take photographs of food to post on Instagram.

In the spirit of this holiday, which probably hails back to the early days of the world wide web, I’m bringing you a wonderful recipe for a very traditional dish, the pumpkin pie. I’m presenting it in a miniature version today, as this was a test recipe for a pie that I will be bringing to an IRL Thanksgiving on whatever day that’s supposed to happen. Specifically, I tested this recipe because I made this mistake of mentioning to my kinsfolk that I was thinking of doing a dairy free pumpkin pie this year. Now, my kin have tolerated and supported my vegetarianism, and even a stint as a vegan, this final assault to a beloved dessert was too much for them. So I decided I needed to actually test the recipe to avoid any potential shunning on the most holy of blog holidays. The wonderful news is that unlike some of the other recipes I have brought you, this one turned out well. I used sweetened condensed coconut milk which did not have any notable coconut flavor. I was planning on going with a full vegan pie, but then forgot to adjust the recipe when I was baking, so this has eggs in it.

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This actually looks fairly gross, but that’s what you get for using sweetened condensed milk.

Filling (makes 12 mini pies or one 9 inch pie):

1 can sweetened condensed coconut milk

1 can pumpkin puree

2 eggs

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1/8 tsp ground cloves

Crust (makes two 9 inch round crusts or a dozen 3 inch mini crusts):

2 cups flour

½ cup olive oil

¼ cup cold water

1 tsp salt

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A good way to approximate your age: ask whether you still use a recipe clipped from the newspaper in aught seven. I thought I was in my 30s, but it turns out I’m in my 70s.

Instructions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350°.
  2. Mix flour and salt, then add in olive oil and water. Mix together with a pastry mixer or fork and bring together into a ball.
  3. Roll out to about 1/8 inch thickness. Use about 10x more flour than you think you’ll need because this dough is super sticky and falls apart easily. Actually, you should probably just roll it out between sheets of parchment, but that’s not a thing I ever remember to do.
  4. Oil your muffin pan
  5. Using a 3 inch cookie cutter, cut out 12 rounds and mush into a muffin pan.
  6. Whisk condensed coconut milk, pumpkin, eggs, and spices.
  7. Pour into the muffin tins, leaving a little room at the top. I found that each muffin cup would hold a little less than a ½ cup filling.
  8. Bake for about 40 minutes, but pay attention to it because I don’t use timers so that’s a really rough suggestion. The pie is done when it is mostly firm. I usually check by gently touching the top of one of the pies, if the filling is still wet and loose it needs more time. When it’s done it will just jiggle a little.
  9. Serve with dairy or nondairy whipped cream. I can’t tell you whether or not you should tell your family you fed them non-dairy pie. I don’t plan to tell mine until they’ve already finished the pie and I have a clear exit path, just in case.
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This was my ugly pie. Apparently you’re supposed to let them cool before you try to shove one in your face.

The over-stylized photo at the top of the post shows the darker side of vegetarianism. Look what I’ve done to your father, baby pumpkins.

Serafina

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Self Righteous Veggie Scramble

Have any of you ever read Omnivore’s Dilemma? If not, you can still read this spoiler because it’s not like it will make a difference. Basically, Michael Pollan spends all this time and energy making a dinner for which he can take full moral responsibility. Grew the veggies, gathered yeast, harvested wheat, the whole goddamn thing. Well, I’m here to say, BITCH, I DO THAT SHIT EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY!

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Sorry, I got a little heated there. Pollan and I have a long-standing frenemy relationship, much like mine and Mary Ellen’s, the only difference is that he doesn’t totally know about it. Frenemy relationships sometimes go better when the other person doesn’t know about it because it really decreases the risk of a clap back. Anyhoo, I’ve been working my ass off to grow food and humanely raise chickens, so I can feel morally superior, and it’s about time for me to rub it in everyone’s faces.

Now before anyone gets on my back about the ingredients I used that I didn’t grow (olive oil, salt, and pepper), I have a preemptive retort: I’ve already googled how to grow peppercorns and olive trees. I’m working on it. Sort of. I’m not working on it in the sense that it will happen ever, but I’m working on it in the sense that I thought about it for a minute, which was good enough for me.

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If you want to eat a meal for which you can take full moral responsibility, you’ll need to start growing some veggies, and if you’re not a vegan/want eggs, you’ll need to get some chickens. I also thought about getting a cow or a goat to make butter for this meal, but there are city ordinances against cows and goats, and my boyfriend nixed my idea of indoor goats when I brought up that workaround. Aside from a cow or goat for butter, the only other recommendation I have for this meal is to get a wheat field and make some bread. This would only be worthwhile if you have butter. Otherwise, this is a lovely scramble with ethically produced eggs, zucchini that only suffered minor verbal abuse, and very well cared for tomatoes.

Ingredients

2 eggs, beaten

About ½ a zucchini, halved and sliced relatively thin

A handful of cherry tomatoes, lovingly halved

Olive oil

Salt

Pepper

Fresh basil or other herbs (optional)

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PSA: Dangers of placing food on the floor to photograph outweigh benefits

Instructions

Cook zucchini in a pan with a little olive oil for about 4-5 minutes until it is close to being done. Add cherry tomatoes and cook for another minute. Add eggs and stir frequently until the eggs are cooked. Garnish with beautiful basil which is still somehow alive in September. Maybe you grew it in part shade or something.

Eat on your patio while your chickens roam. It’s ok to eat eggs in front of the chickens because they also eat their eggs, so they were the ones to make it weird first.

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Food is only somewhat safer on the patio, chickens may still attempt to eat the eggs even though they prefer their eggs freshly laid and uncooked

Zucchini is more flavorful after verbal abuse

-Serafina

Quick Garden Dinner

Friends, I’ve read enough of your fan letters to know that Mary Ellen and I are not the only ones who struggle to get a healthful meal on the table every night after a hard day of work. Quick meals are lifesavers whether you’re Mary Ellen, chasing around her toddler while ensuring her make up is on point, or me, laying around the house in my fanciest business pajama suit pretending to finish my last semester of graduate school. At the end of a long, trying day, cooking a meal that is quick and easy becomes as important as cooking one that is healthful and nourishing.

In light of this, I’m bringing you my super-fast garden meal. You’ll need approximately 3-5 months to prepare this meal, depending on your local climate. Gardening is hard work, and between the costs of your own labor, soil, water, plants, and seeds, you’ll probably spend more on your garden veggies than you ever would on the actual produce from a grocery store. But, as they say, you have to spend money to make money.

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Since garden based meals will depend on what you plant and what is ready to harvest on a given day, I’m going to provide some general guidelines instead of a strict recipe.

  1. Plant zucchini. You’ll need to do this in late spring/early summer, so plan ahead! No one really likes eating zucchini, but as I have previously mentioned, you’ll certainly harvest a lot of it. Corn, green beans, tomatoes, and lettuce will round out your meal, and will also take several months of intermittent effort before you’ll be able to acquire food from the plant.
  2. If you want to eat something other than the vegetables you harvested, you’ll need to go to a grocery store. I know, you’re thinking, why did I bother planting all that zucchini 4 months ago? Shhh, don’t worry, you planted it for lots of reasons. And you should be asking why you didn’t plan ahead better and plant something that grows veggie burgers. There’s always next year.
  3. Find a partner, friend, or neighbor with a grill. Grills are scary, and you don’t want to try to deal with one on your own. They’re also hot AF, but not in the good way.
  4. Chop up vegetables and wrap them in foil. Then have your boyfriend (or whoever you found to use the grill) put your veggies on the grill. They also make giant grill skillets but foil prevents your vegetables from being contaminated with meat if you have a boyfriend who refuses to cook himself a veggie burger.

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    You should also probably season your zucchini. Olive oil, salt, and pepper will be fine. Throw in some garlic powder if you’re feeling super fancy
  5. Put food on plate and then consume.
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This was my boyfriend’s plate. He always eats with his xbox controller nearby. It’s like a safety blanket.

Quick, easy dinner in only 4 months.

Serafina

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

This is my “Fuck, I need to make a dessert and shave my legs and I don’t really have time for either” cookie recipe. It works well when your significant other comes home and reminds you that you have plans to go to a dinner party/game night and he told everyone we were bringing dessert.

I made these cookies in about 20 minutes and also shaved my legs in the kitchen sink while they were baking. It was an impressive display of my domestic and feminine abilities. Then I went on to win at Secret Hitler because, not to brag, but I’m pretty great at being Hitler. I know how that sounds, but sometimes you have to put aside your values because winning a board game is more important.

These are my go-to vegan cookie, but for time’s sake I used real butter which doesn’t fuck up the consistency of the cookie when you melt it.

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I actually had an excuse not to clean the kitchen before shooting these photos with my phone

This recipe was adapted from one of my first vegan cookbooks, How it All Vegan. I bought the book thinking the authors were lesbians and was very disappointed when they talked about male significant others.

Ingredients:

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup softened butter (if you want these cookies to actually be vegan, you obviously need vegan butter)

1/4 cup oil

1/4 cup unsweetened apple sauce

3 tbsp water

2 tsp vanilla extract

2 1/4 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt (less if butter is salted)

1 cup chocolate chips

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Two types of chocolate chips sounded fancy to me at first, but it just made it seem like I didn’t have enough of any one kind, which might have also been true

Instructions:

  1. Preheat oven to 375°
  2. In a small bowl, combine sweetener, margarine, oil, water and vanilla.
  3. In a large bowl, mix together flour, baking soda and salt
  4. Add butter mixture and chocolate chips to the flour mixture and mix well.
  5. Scoop balls of dough onto a cookie sheet and bake for 8-10 minutes or until the edges are browned

Makes 12-15 cookies

Eat enough cookies that you no longer want to murder your significant other for failing to give you adequate warning to prepare a dessert.

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These were two leftover cookies at the end of the night. I ate them both when we got home.

Just to be super clear, it’s only okay to be Hitler when you’re playing board games. We may flirt with being terrible people around here sometimes, but there are some lines we won’t cross, like actually being Hitler. If I think of any other lines we won’t cross, I’ll be sure to let you know.

-Serafina

 

Zucchini, rice, and beans

Friends, I’m going to put aside my skin care feud with Mary Ellen for the moment (we all know who won that one, right?) and talk to you about a recipe from my childhood. You can tell this is a very modern recipe, because it comes from a Jane Brody cookbook with the subtitle “Living the High Carbohydrate Way.” That’s right, before all of this keto and paleo bullshit, there were plenty of people encouraging us to eat more carbs, and they were saints.

This is my version of Jane Brody’s Company Rice and Beans with fewer frills (I think she wants you to have like 4 fresh vegetables on hand, which seems ridiculous. I just used canned goods, dried spices, and a zucchini from the garden). Jane Brody also recommends cooking your rice at the same time as the rest of the food (I audibly gasped with disbelief at the thought of multitasking), so I’m going to go another step further and tell you to use a rice cooker. I bought a rice cooker about a year ago and this is second time I’ve used it, so that was a super meaningful purchase that made a measurable difference in my life.

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Yeah, you cook that rice, rice cooker. Then, back to the cupboard for another 6 months!

Get ready for some high carbohydrate living!

Ingredients:

1 cup rice (yield will be two cooked cups)

1 zucchini, halved and sliced

1 can of diced tomatoes

1 can of beans (I recommend garbanzo or kidney, but any bean will do)

Olive oil

About 1/2 tsp oregano

Some garlic powder

Salt and pepper to taste

Optional: cheese (Jane recommends cheddar)

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You may notice that I didn’t actually use a can of diced tomatoes because I didn’t have any. So I used tomato sauce, which was fine, but a can of diced tomatoes would be better.

Instructions:

Cook the rice. 1:2 ratio of rice to water. Unless you have a rice cooker and then read the instructions or something. I used brown rice because I wanted extra credit.

Saute the diced tomatoes, zucchini, and spices in olive oil for about 5-10 minutes. Add the beans when the zucchini is starting to soften and bring to a low simmer until the rice is done.

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If you leave the stove unattended, you may get tomato splashes all over your cookbook. And also the stove. And maybe your camera.

Serve the tomato/zucchini/bean mixture on top of rice. Top with shredded cheese if your GI tract is up for such indulgences.

BTW, my zucchini plant produces a new fully developed zucchini about every 45 minutes, so prepare yourself to watch me put zucchini in everything I cook until October.

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Carbs are life,

Serafina

Cinnamon Rolls

Remember how I said I was worried my boyfriend was going gluten free? Well don’t worry, I decided to disregard his dietary restrictions and make these cinnamon rolls. And now he’s no longer interested in being GF. Don’t look at me like that, I’m a good person. It’s not like he has Celiac’s or anything (probably).

Anyway, my new goal in life is to stop eating vegetables and eat only sugar. My biggest hurdle so far is the horrific GI distress that ensues after eating all the pastries and then I turn back to my horrible, disgusting salad eating habit. I know, I know. I’m working on it. I’m kidding of course about the all-sugar diet. This weekend I ate a strict diet of Chipotle and frozen food from Costco. I’m the picture of health.

Anyway, to work on my #healthfoodgoals I used half whole wheat flour here. All whole wheat is too much, but you can get away with half without worrying that you accidentally had some fiber with your breakfast.

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You’re going to wonder if that is enough butter and sugar on top of the dough. There’s never really enough, but this amount is good enough

Ingredients

3/4 cup flour

¾ whole wheat flour

2 tsp sugar

1 tsp baking powder

½ tsp baking soda

¼ tsp salt

2/3 c unsweetened almond milk (or, like, regular milk)

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

6 tbsp melted butter, divided

½ cup brown sugar

2 tsp cinnamon

For the glaze

About 2 tbsp each: melted butter, brown sugar, and unsweetened almond milk

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You don’t have to pull out a ruler to cut your cinnamon rolls unless you are really unable to tolerate the inevitable height disparity

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375°

Spray a muffin pan with oil

Combine the flour, white sugar, baking soda and powder, and salt in a large bowl.

In a smaller bowl, mix the almond milk, vinegar, and 4 tbsp butter.

Add the milk mixture to the flower mixture

Roll out with a lot of flour on the counter (seriously, use a shitload of flour or you’ll cry when your dough is stuck to the counter).

Mix the melted butter with the brown sugar and the cinnamon and then smear all over the dough.

Roll it up, then cut into 8 or 9 even pieces. Place each piece in a muffin slot. Honestly, this would probably work with just a regular cookie sheet, but give them a little room to expand.

Bake for about 15 minutes

Make glaze by melting together more butter, brown sugar, and almond milk. Glaze cinnamon rolls.

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The glaze is mostly clear, but it’s still necessary. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not contributing.

Try not to eat too many salads in between your cinnamon rolls

-Serafina

Meal prepping like you have your life together

My dear readers, last night, as I finished a paper several hours ahead of schedule, I was feeling incredibly impressed with myself. After contemplating what I would be able to do for the rest of the evening, it dawned on me that the next day was my day to post and I had nothing prepared. You see, Mary Ellen and I have shown you all that we are “with it” ladies of the go-go 90’s, and you know we wouldn’t misrepresent ourselves. We have published volumes on time management and avoiding the perils of procrastination. And yet, there I was with nothing for you fine readers.

PSYCHE! I have an obscene amount of posts that I prepared at various times when I was avoiding writing papers, just in case there was ever a day when I wrote my papers over my blog posts. While I’m deeply ashamed and remorseful that day finally came, I am grateful for my past self who had her priorities in line. I promise I’ll get my shit together soon and take more pictures of gummy bears to inspire your healthy eating habits!

Let’s get to talking about meal prep. Now, I’ve read a lot about meal prep on other blogs. All the internet bitches are super into it (I’m using “bitches” in a gender-neutral sense here, so it’s not a hate crime). They say all this shit about how it’s “cheaper” and “healthier” than whatever the alternative is, but it’s really just a way to justify buying tons of glass containers off Amazon. Well, it’s time I joined them. And since we’re being thoughtful about our meals for the rest of the week, we want to make sure we are nourishing our minds, bodies, souls, and also being stewards to the planet. Let’s make a frozen pizza!

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Make sure you pick up some bulk Lactaid while you’re stocking up on pizza, you’re going to need it.

So you can see here that I have purchased this frozen cheese pizza from Costco. I used to buy the organic frozen pizzas from Costco, but since becoming an impoverished professional student, I switched to the normal, more economical convenience foods. The good news is that what this pizza lacks in fanciness and flavor, it makes up in calorie density!

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In order to ensure that this sumptuous feast will feed me for days of school and work, I have purchased some completely unnecessary glass containers and placed pizza in each container. I’m sure this would not have worked if I used the tupperware I already owned.

I know what you’re thinking: what the fuck was that first picture with the green rice and chickpeas? Well, it was a legitimately good meal that took fucking forever to cook, so I don’t plan on making it again anytime soon. But it was really good so I’ll link it for you out of the kindness of my heart. Read that recipe and then go stock up on frozen pizza.

In health and wellness,

-Serafina

 

Upcycled Wine Cork Garden Markers

OMFG you guys, the vernal equinox has already passed, St. Patrick got drunk and puked on the sidewalk outside my house, and the Easter bunny’s cousin Igor is coming soon! All of this means that it’s TIME TO START GARDENING AGAIN!!! I’m legitimately excited about this and not just shouting because Igor scares me when he breaks in to my house to “exchange” my iPad for a basket of chocolate bunnies.

I live in an area where you can’t start planting the exciting stuff until mid-May, but they already started selling flowers at the garden store, so I’m not waiting any longer. I planted some seeds this weekend, and because I’m all about instant gratification I also planted flowers which will freeze and die almost immediately.

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I have already established that I am the best at planning a garden (protip: plant 3’ tall flower bushes between your step stones, that way you might work up enough of an appetite to want to eat another fucking zucchini).

There are about 4 or 5 million posts about DIY garden markers and MINE IS THE BEST. By saving wine corks and then reusing them, you have an excuse to buy more wine and you look like you’re being environmentally friendly.

 

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I tried to hide the cheapest looking corks so you’d all think I only drink fancy wine.

You will need:

Some wine corks

Paint

Skewers

Maybe a hammer and a nail

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I was so proud of this action shot that I didn’t bother to repeat it with the color I actually ended up using

Instructions

  1. Drink all the wine.
  2. See if you can jam one of your skewers into your cork without stabbing yourself in the hand. If you can’t, grab a thick nail and a hammer. Maybe also grab some padded gloves if you’re not confident about your aim. Nail the nail into a cork and then remove it and insert the skewer into the hole. Repeat with the rest of your skewers.
  3. You can try labeling them without painting first, but it doesn’t look very pretty, so I recommend painting the corks at this point. I took pictures of myself painting them black, but then I repainted them with silver because they were too hard to read with light lettering on a dark background. Go with light paint.
  4. Grab some sharpies or more paint to actually write the labels. I also drew a couple of fucking adorable plant illustrations on the corks because I’m amazing.
  5. Mark your plants as you plant them. Once the plants have been in the ground for  a few weeks, your labels will be obscured, so this whole process will have rendered useless!

Happy Gardening!

Serafina

Beet, Carrot, Apple, Ginger Juice

I’m going to try something different with you guys today. Instead of my usual fool-proof recipe that I provide you so that you can finally learn to cook and stop disappointing your family, I’m going to walk you through a cautionary tale about juice.

In a misguided “it’s still early in 2018 so I should try to eat healthy or something” attempt, I decided to make juice without a juicer. You see, juicers are probably expensive, and I don’t really like juice that much. So I never got around to buying one. I also never got married, so I only have kitchen appliances that I decided to purchase with legal currency or received as a hand-me-down. Anyway, no juicer. And I thought I didn’t care about juicing until I found several recipes for a beet-carrot-apple-ginger juice that’s made in a blender. Let’s start with the recipe and then we’ll get to the cautionary tale part…

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Ingredients:

Beet (peel it and cut it into some pieces so your blender doesn’t explode or something)

Apple (same instructions as above, but less important because apples aren’t as hard as beets)

Some carrots

1” chunk of peeled ginger

Instructions:

Throw it all in the blender with about ½ cup water or other juice (I used water, why would I be making juice if I already had juice?)

Blend

Dump into a sieve over a bowl and wait for it to drip out

 

Ok, now that the nitty gritty is out of the way, let’s talk about why you should never make juice with a blender, especially this juice.

First of all, the blender handled the task pretty well and didn’t explode, so that went fine. I was really busy trying not to stain my clothes as I dumped the “juice” pulp into a sieve/bowl so I didn’t get any pictures of that step. Luckily for you, as I have mentioned previously, I am a certified courtroom illustrator, so I can recreate the scene for you with ease and accuracy.

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Now, as the juice is dripping into the bowl at mind-bogglingly slow pace, you might think that it smells really fresh and that you’re excited to drink it. Don’t get your hopes up. After the first round of straining, mine was still SUPER chunky, so I had to strain it a second time with a finer sieve. All told, I spent like 15 minutes mushing around pulp before I got about 200ml juice.

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At this point, I figured this juice had to be fucking mind blowingly amazing or no one would have ever wasted their time with it in the first place. So, I took my first sip, and it was kinda ok. Then I took my second sip, and I thought it was kind of interesting, and warming with the ginger juice. And then when I took my third sip, I audibly gagged and had to try really hard not to vomit in the kitchen.

After that shock wore off, I thought it through and realized that I was just having an uncontrollable gag reflex and horribly unpleasant warm feeling in my stomach because of the ginger juice. No biggie. So I did what any good girlfriend would do, I brought the juice to my boyfriend and made him try it. He didn’t describe wanting to vomit, but he reported feeling repulsed before passing on a second sip.

So I was now faced with a dilemma, I had about half the awful juice left but I had put so much work into it I couldn’t bear to waste it. After deliberating for about 20 minutes, I decided that I had no choice. I gulped the rest of it down, which was a deeply regrettable decision.

You know, after all of that I’m actually having trouble deciding if this was a cautionary tale or a strong endorsement. Let’s do a Pro/Con list, those always help:

Pros:

  • Your kitchen sink will make you feel like Dexter when you are cleaning up
  • You will feel very healthful prior to drinking this juice
  • Your blender probably won’t explode
  • You can give your chickens some beet greens, which they LOVE!
  • If the Dexter part really resonated, you can cover your hands in the leftover pulp and pretend that you murdered your boyfriend for a few seconds until it gets just a little bit too dark or he walks in on you and looks like he might call the cops
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I had a picture of this that was in focus, but I felt this one captured the moment a little better

Cons:

  • You will most likely vomit upon drinking the juice, or at the very least experience severe nausea
  • Your kitchen will be very messy and beet juice stains everything
  • You will most definitely get a beet juice stain on your favorite sweatshirt, no matter how careful you are
  • You might develop a taste aversion to all of the ingredients in the juice as a result of drinking it
  • If you end up keeping the juice down, all of the bodily excretions you have over the next several hours to days will “bleed” red because of the beet juice (wait, should this be on the pro list?)

You know what? We’re tied! 5 pros, 5 cons! I guess I’ll just leave it up to you to decide if you want to make this fancy blender juice!

Happy juicing!!

Serafina

Jackfruit Lentil Enchiladas

My dear blog friends,

I endured many hardships in writing this post. (I know what you’re thinking: there’s no way that’s true. She’s sitting comfortably in her house having just eaten leftovers of the dish she is posting about. What could she possibly have to complain about? Well don’t you fucking even start!)

First of all my free photo editing software crashed and I was worried I’d have to update it, but then it started and it was fine (again, I know what you’re thinking: she edits her photos? Yeah, I do. I spend like 20 seconds toiling over the free editing software that I almost kind of know how to use.)

Then, I had to find my hobo gloves because my hands were just slightly too cold and I thought I might die if I couldn’t experience 100% physical comfort in that moment.

Then, I found out that I’m in school again. Wasn’t I in school long enough? I thought so. I told them I was over 30 so they should just give me a fucking master’s degree and the first person I talked to was like “yeah, obvi” but then the second person was like “no, you have to complete the requirements and blah blah blah.” That second one was an exact quote.

And then I had to go comfort my chickens who are still super traumatized from Mary Ellen’s last post.

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Ew, there’s a cat hair on the can.

Anyway, I’ve come across a bunch of vegetarian recipes that use jackfruit. They all start off by talking about how jackfruit is fucking disgusting smelling just like durian which begs the question of how anyone ever started eating foods that make you gag when you try to cut into them. So I went the obvious route of buying canned jackfruit which doesn’t make you vomit when you open it. And then I made enchiladas which are probably more like smothered burritos, but I’m not changing the title.

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Unlike fresh jackfruit, this just smelled kinda briny like olives or something

Ingredients

1½ to 2 cups cooked rice

1 cup cooked lentils

14 oz can jackfruit, rinsed

8 oz cheddar cheese, shredded

2 cups enchilada sauce (I used homemade sauce from this recipe)

6-8 tortillas, depending on how thick you like your enchiladas

Olive oil

Taco seasoning (I used a homemade blend from this recipe)

1 or 2 cups of veggies to throw in (optional- I used frozen zuchinni, with disappointing results, but other veggies generally work well)

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I think I was supposed to cook the jackfruit longer. I’m not sure though.

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350

Cook your rice and lentils if you didn’t already do so because you were being lazy.

Chop up the jackfruit. I followed the instructions from this site to shred them, but it was way too much work and I’m just going to chop it all up and let it cook down next time. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with eating the seeds or the tough parts and the random seeds that I missed picking out tasted fine.

Cook the jackfruit with a little olive oil and taco seasoning for a few minutes, then mix it with the rice and lentils in a large bowl. Add in cheese, a little enchilada sauce (maybe ¼-½ cup) and any veggies you are using.

Put the enchilada mix in tortillas and place in a 13×9 pan with some enchilada sauce at the bottom. Once all your enchilada mix is tortillaed (it’s a word, trust me), cover in enchilada sauce and finish with cheese.

I usually cover with aluminum foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the foil and bake for another 10 minutes until the enchilada sauce and cheese are all bubbly.

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My boyfriend took a bite of this and said “it’s not a terrible texture.” Huge endorsement. You can all get excited now and go buy jackfruit.

Enjoy a jackfruit recipe that won’t make you gag while you’re preparing it

Serafina